Becoming Maman: Amber Minogue and Sarah Donnelly

Recently, the Our Paris Stories team had the pleasure of laughing all night to “Becoming Maman“, the comedy show brilliantly written and performed by Amber Minogue and Sarah Donnelly. These stand-up comedians–Amber originally from the UK and Sarah hailing from the US–openly share what it’s like to “grow a French person.” What it like to raise a child in a completely different culture and language than the one you grew up in? Still getting accustomed to being called “Maman” instead of “Mummy” or “Mommy”, here is the background story of Amber Minogue and Sarah Donnelly.

What are your Paris stories? 

Amber: I never planned on living in Paris. I came here for a long weekend and never left. I’m what you call an accidental Parisian. I wanted to live here for a month to impress people at dinner parties by saying I’d lived in Paris. 17 years later, that still does seem to impress people at dinner parties, but living in Paris has become my job. I can never leave!!!
Sarah: I came to Paris on vacation as well, but did manage to go back home. However, I met a Frenchman during that trip and we started a long distance relationship which eventually led to me moving here 5.5 years ago.
Amber: Sarah and I met doing stand-up comedy at The New York Comedy Night which, at the time, was the only English stand-up comedy show in Paris. We are both stand-up comedians, comedy writers, and mamans to our French children.
Sarah: Now we’ve written our own comedy show and podcast about raising our French kids called Becoming Maman– think if the famous Pamela Druckerman book Bringing Up Bébé was a dark comedy.

Tell us about this spot you chose.

Amber: We chose the Théâtre Bo Saint Martin because it’s where we are playing our stand-up comedy show called Becoming Maman. We had the idea to share our stories of not becoming mothers but rather mamans – since our partners, and thus children, are French. Sarah’s daughter calls her maman instead of Mommy. And, well, my son just calls me Amber. I’m basically the hired help in my household.
Sarah: I’ve definitely heard him call you both Amber and Mummy! We’ve been working on the idea of a show since I was pregnant two years ago, so this theatre and what it represents to us – writing a show, getting a producer, and performing it in Paris – is really special! I believe the quote is if you can make it here, then you’ve probably completed a lot of complicated paperwork. I don’t think there’s another English stand-up comedy show that has a French production team behind them performing at the moment, so it’s pretty cool.

What has been your favorite moment in Paris so far?

Sarah: Hello clichéd, Mom response but probably giving birth to my daughter, which also happens to be my favorite life moment. She was born in the 12th arrondissement, just like her Dad, in a wonderful maternité hospital called Les Bluets. Giving birth to a Parisian made me a little bit more Parisian that day. It was a gorgeous, sunny fall day, and fall is my favorite season in Paris. I actually took the bus to get to the hospital when I was in labor – shout out to the line 64! And no one offered their seat to me lol! My husband forced someone to stand-up for me, because if there was ever a time to let a pregnant lady sit down…

Amber: I had my son in Paris as well (same maternité as Sarah) and I was struck by just how carefully they monitor pregnancy here. I had a check up each month, and from 6 months my medical bills were covered 100%. There was also a lot of attention to just how much weight I was putting on – this is Paris after all. I was regularly lectured about not eating too much, especially as I was pregnant during Christmas. But being pregnant at Christmas meant I couldn’t eat the fois gras so I don’t know why they were giving me such a hard time. After giving birth I felt really supported at the hospital. My son was born in the afternoon so they asked if I wanted to stay an extra day, which I most certainly did. Not only was the food delicious but the midwives were so helpful and kind!

So outside of my son’s birth, I don’t really have one favorite moment but there are lots of small moments of acceptance that made me feel good. I found it tough learning French and integrating so things like the first time I was able to call a plumber and explain what was wrong, or send a ‘lettre recomandé’, or tell a taxi driver my address, him understand me and then the  first thing out his mouth not be ‘vous avez un petit accent.’ Oh and the first time I got called ‘Madame,’ I felt so grown up.

Tell us about your most challenging experience as an expat.

Sarah: When I arrived I didn’t speak French more than Bonjour or je vais prendre – of course I learned quickly how to order off a menu because priorities! Learning French, the first foreign language that I’ve seriously studied has been very challenging. Learning another language is hard work! You don’t just “pick it up” especially if you want to write correctly in French. As a stand-up comedian, someone who makes their living talking to people, it was extremely frustrating that I couldn’t be understood by anyone! I recently did my first stand-up set in French and it was terrifying!  I have so much respect for my friends who regularly perform in both English and French like Sebastian Marx and Paul Taylor.  I translated my own jokes into French, and then had a French comedian friend do a ‘lissage de texte’ – which I’m not even sure how to translate that into English, but essentially it means they made sure my translation made sense and was still funny. It was a surreal experience making people laugh in a different language, and telling my jokes in French.  The words were coming out of my mouth in French but my brain was taking notes in English like ‘Ok good they laughed at that punchline.’ But normally my brain is a big, fat frenglish mess anyways.

Now, people always ask me if I’m fluent and while I think I have a very good level, fluency is actually incredibly difficult to achieve. My advice is take the French learning petit à petit – it took me 5 years to muster up the courage to perform in French and this was after getting married, buying an apartment, and having a baby en français. Ça arrivera.

How do you meet people in Paris?

Sarah: I met nearly all my friends through the English stand-up comedy scene. I moved in September 2012 and was on-stage in October.  I also met many gateway friends (friends who introduced me to other friends) from my French class. And finally I’ve adopted a new set of Mommy friends through my English speaking prenatal yoga class and other Mom groups like ESMs and Message Paris. Finding a shared interest, whether it’s comedy or having a baby, is important to find deeper connections here.
Amber: I have made some good friends from spending all my time in the Park – I think they took pity on me as they watched me chase my son round and round while I pretended to be a dinosaur. However, most of my friends that I have made in Paris has been through work. To learn the French language and culture I gave up being an English teacher and got a job in a wine bar. I learn a lot and made some great friends.

 

What advice would you give to others wanting to move abroad?

Sarah: I feel like we would give terrible advice as we never planned to be here in the first place! I came to France on a student visa which was my vehicle for learning French and being with my then-boyfriend, now husband.  There is information about to study in France on the Campus France website.  I renewed that titre de sejour once and then we decided to get married. Now I have my 10 year vie privée et familiale carte de séjour. Oh the comedy is preparing a dossier for a French Visa.
Amber: Luckily, as I am English, and at the time England was very much in the EU, I just took the eurostar here.
Sarah: Damn you Amber!
Amber: I know! But now I’ve decided to become French and am in the final stages of getting my nationality, which is the mother of all dossiers to complete. I feel like my second home is now the prefecture of police I’ve been there so much recently, running papers back and forth.
But I think it’s really important to understand what it is you hoping to achieve by moving abroad and how realistic it is. I think people have a dream of living abroad but if you don’t know the language or culture it can be really tough to get a job or meet people. You can quickly feel isolated, or simply frustrated that the only options of work are teaching English and not much else. A lot depends on how old you are, where you hope to go, and your financial situation. If it is something you really want to do then have a plan and try to reach out to people before you go.

How do you deal with homesickness?

Sarah: I think it’s important to have friends from where you’re from, and that’s the US for me. You can celebrate holidays together and complain together about stuff that bothers you here, which I think is totally normal and healthy to do! It annoys me when people say, if you don’t like it here, then leave. First of all, it’s a French tradition to “raler” aka complain, so I’m very much honoring the culture. Secondly, sometimes you just have, what I call, a bad France day. It doesn’t mean I want to leave!
Keeping the tradition of Thanksgiving alive in my family is important and every year I make a turkey dinner for my in-laws and every year my Father-in-law asks what he’s eating. I always feel like I’ve won when my French family and friends say they like my American cooking!
Amber: Before moving to France I knew I was English but now that I live here I have become really English. I listen to radio 4,  read the Guardian everyday and drink Yorkshire tea; I have even convinced my French husband that England has great cheese!  Also Marks and Spencer helps. I also agree with Sarah, keep your traditions alive as well as making some new ones.

 

How can people continue following your story?

You can listen to our podcast on bringing up our bébés in Paris here or wherever you get your podcasts, like Apple Podcasts. Check out our Instagram for daily content and funny stuff @becomingmaman. We’re on Facebook too of course.
FINALLY: And of course you can see us live at the Théâtre Bo Saint-Martin every Thursday at 8pm until June 21st. Get your tickets here.

 

Photos by Leah Chernick