Meet Peter Villani, a computer scientist from New York who is here in Paris to stay. He describes his expat experience in France as a “love affair”, with all of the challenges and rewards that come with truly uprooting oneself. In his beautiful Paris story–both on and off the metro–Peter shares the moments that have so strongly defined his Paris experience, from taking shelter during the frightening terrorist attacks to much happier moments… like romantically proposing to his wife in a theatre.
What is your Paris story?
I’ve always imagined two kinds of expats – those who live in Paris for 1 or 2 or even 5 years, and those who stay forever. Two timeframes and yet a world apart. The first group makes great use of their extended time, spending lots of time in Paris and visiting favorite cities and villages all over France and Europe. They take courses, learn cooking, speak French, all in a relaxed manner. And then they return “home” or fly off to their next adventure. The other ones—those who stay forever—do that as well, but there’s also something psychologically different about the experience, and this is what I’ll try to convey in my Paris story.
After my first visit to Paris, I knew I was going to come back, again and again, and maybe never return. This was even before I met my French wife and followed her back to Paris. I recall going to Jardins de Lux on my first visit to Paris and refusing to leave until the evening. I had never seen anything like it – a mix of royalty, garden geometry, outdoor museum, and picnics à la français.
I feel, 18 years later, that I am still in that park.
The story could end there. But it’s not only about me. Paris is truly the city of love. I met my wife in Manhattan. She was a student at the time. I kept running into her at a movie festival. Two years later, we returned to Paris.
My wife makes living here possible. She is different, exotic, française, quoi, with never a dull moment – as marriage should be. And yes, her being French really does make a difference: because for me, difference is what keeps the flame going.
So too with Paris. It’s a love affair. Difference is what being an expat is. Living day to day, from word to word, I bathe or drown in that difference. Much of what I thought was true in life is no longer accurate. To make a comparison, I’ve lived in different parts of America, but I had never felt uprooted; moving here, I have changed my language and culture, stepping into a very lived-in world, one as deep and strange as my own. Being uprooted is then another word for being an expat.
Tell us about the spot you chose.
Paris is not Paris without its metro. The Paris metro structures Paris. It is how we localize ourselves, us parisiens et parisiennes. And we all use the metro. Everywhere in paris is balanced on its metro station. The metro defines Paris and ourselves. When I say I’m living near Nation, that connotes something very different than if I were to say Passy, or Marx-Dormoy, or Clichy, or Denfert. Charles de Gaule, Bastille, Le Louvre, Notre Dame – these are not monuments, nor historic moments or figures – they are metro stops.
The Paris metro is so well-built that it has hardly changed since its origins. I once saw a film made in 1947, post-war Paris. Most of it took place on the 2-Line near Barbés. Nothing has changed. The camera was on the train, voyeuristcally tracking interactions between passengers. All of this could have taken place in 2018. The station of the film was Stalingrad. This is all the information you need in order to know what’s going on in the film.
Getting around Paris – At first, walking was everything for me – especially getting lost. I discovered a number of novels written by French authors who described being lost in Paris. Patrick Modiano is a perfect example. His characters get lost and stay lost, and yet he never fails to name the street on which his characters walk. My footsteps follow the rhythm of his prose. Anais Nin is a provocative Parisienne, writing about a more sensual side to Paris. I have never had the courage to actually walk in her footsteps.
I then discovered the importance of changing the starting point via the Metro. It will take a lifetime to combine the discovery of a walk with the excitement of starting with a random stop of the Metro.
Each train, all 14 lines.
What has been your favorite moment so far in Paris?
I could say my favorite moment was when I asked my wife to marry me in the last row of an old Retro movie theatre in the 5th arrondisement. My wife didn’t understand why I had chosen our seats far in the back. The theatre was mostly empty, and there were enough seats closer and more centered. I don’t recall the name of the film, but I do recall it being an old one, early sound, 30s. When I handed my wife the “blague”, she laughed and cried at the same time. Blague, of course, means “joke”; “bague”, on the other had, means ring. My French – even to this day – continues to mix up these 2 words.
I could also point to the day when I discovered baseball in Paris. I was bicycling in the bois de Vincennes when I heard the “crack of a bat”. It was a sunny spring day – 3,000 miles from where “bat cracks” were meant to be heard. Wow! Childhood flooded my entire being. I was suddenly transported onto home territory.
Great moments in Paris also include the 4 million person march against the right wing fanatic Le Pen in 2002, a defining moment for all Parisiens, expat or not.
Finally, there’s the evening of my son’s birth. Surreal. Profound.
Tell us about your most challenging experience as an expat.
Greatly difficult moments came during the recent terrorist attacks (Charlie Hebdo and then the Bataclan nightmare). On the evening of the second attack, my wife and I were on a rare night on the town. Not far from the gunfire. We were at a concert when people starting looking at their phones and leaving the concert early. The performer actually got pissed. I don’t blame her, she didn’t know that there was a war raging outside the concert hall (or inside, if you were in the Bataclan.)
We found ourselves lost on the streets, not far from the shootings. Luckily our son was with his grandparents in the suburbs of Paris. But we were stranded, hotels were full, cars and trains were detoured and not moving. We were actually hiding in the front entrance of an apartment building, waiting for more gunfire. Fortunately, we were finally able to connect with a friend who let us stay the night.
How do you meet people in Paris?
On the job. Organizations. Politics. Whatever your political orientation, there are a number of very active American political groups. I joined Dems Abroad. I have never worked so hard politically until I came to Paris. The years, days, and minutes, leading up to the 2006 and 2008 elections have been the most politically inspiring work I have ever experienced. I got deep into the Dems organization, attending conferences, volunteering my time, organizing events. And this moved me into an area that surprised me: co-organizer of a Political Forum (a non-partison debate in various Paris bars), and a radio talk-show on World Paris Radio.
More generally: Get out, do things, there are so many events – film festivals, concerts, English-speaking pubs.
What advice would you give to newcomers?
Learn the language. Or not. Really, it’s up to you – I can have a blast in Paris when I play the non-French-speaking tourist. The French socialize in a very different way when they are speaking English. They let themselves go. You also meet people from all over the world in Paris, so English is as much the language of the street as French.
As for speaking French, I went from 3 words (bonjour, merci, oui) to a lot more (but never enough). My French is of the street. I can relax. I’m no longer missing parts of French conversations. I’m no longer the buffoon who has just made another accidental pun that was sure to have at least 10 possible sexual meanings.
There are really no words to describe the power of living in another country and speaking its language. I am daily excited and invigorated by the French language and the way it underlies just about everything you see and witness in Paris.
Another useful advice is to seek out other expats. But not at first. It took me a while before I wanted to reconnect with the homeland. But I discovered that we all have quite a lot to share.
How do you deal with homesickness?
Baseball. Playing it or listening to broadcasts from all 50 states using the MLB app. Spending late mornings following specific games. An unforgettable moment for me was the 6th game of the 2011 World series (Cardinals Rangers) while lying in my bed with my headsets at 3am.
Reading American authors. Tons of them. The setting is preferably America. The language, American.
Watching independant American cinema.
Joining DemsAbroad.
Running the Political Pub.
Skyping with my family.
Meeting up with American friends.
Going back to NY.
There is always that moment, when I first step off the plane in JFK airport and make my way through customs, and then onto the NY streets, where I can finally breathe deeply, discard my foreign baggage, and let myself feel as one with my surroundings. There is no more that thing, that difference, that something that makes you always feel separate, like a guest. In NY, I can order a coffee the proper way (“large light with one sugar”) and receive it exactly as I had ordered it, in a large white styrofoam cup. That’s what traveling back to America means, and how it helps with the homesickness. To be able to get in touch with NY, with my self.
But not too often.
There’s the other side. The other self. After a week in NYC, I am absolutely homesick for something of equal importance – I miss my other home, my adopted country. By the end of every trip to America, I am literally running away / running to. I need to get back to my city. Back onto the metro.
How can people continue following your story?
Photos by Leah Chernick
